


Second drawer

by argonautic



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Chapters are a thing and I'm bad at it, M/M, Some kind of consensual BDSM, Traces of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23651653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argonautic/pseuds/argonautic
Summary: “You’ve asked me to forget everything. I haven’t been able to.”
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/James May
Comments: 9
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

James snorts with disappointment: the blade on his cutter is too dull to properly cut the edge of the card he wants to pin on the wall, and also the very last.

He knows Jeremy keeps a huge pair of scissors in one of the drawers under his desk; Jeremy calls them a properly-sized tool, has pulled them out a couple of times, in the aim of looking threatening while menacing Richard to shorten him, and probably never used them to actually cut anything.

Thus they’re probably sharp enough to do the job, at least for the moment, until someone from the staff passes by and he could ask for a new cutter or a pack of blades at least.

Jeremy isn’t at his desk, has probably gone to the loo or who knows where, and James takes the chance to get them by himself, avoiding questions and small talks, so he quickly moves across the office and crouches next to Jeremy’s chair, hoping to pass unnoticed.

He opens and closes the three drawers, one after the another, throwing just a glance inside, as those scissors are so huge that can't be hidden easily, even among the other junk Jeremy keeps in there; he reaches the last one and still hasn't find them, and he instinctively gets back to the second drawer and pulls it open again, as there was something in there - that definitely wasn't scissors - that has unconsciously caught his gaze during the previous quick look.

And now he understands why. It's something that had been throw away long before, that doesn’t have to be there anymore, especially in Jeremy’s drawer, especially there at the office. He's not proud of how quickly he has detected it, despite the amount of trinkets around it, despite the time passed.

He’s so shocked he doesn’t even realise Jeremy has come back:

“What are you doing here May?”

"Er, I was looking for your scissors, my cutter's gone", James answers, closing the drawer and getting back on his feet, unable to look at Jeremy in the eye.

"Don't have anymore, Andy confiscated them after Hammond's complaint that children shouldn't play with sharp tools and I should stick to hammers"

"Oh ok. I... I’ll ask him then, thanks anyway”

"No problem."

 _No, wrong. Problem. One big problem,_ James thinks, going back to his desk.


	2. Chapter 2

They were filming one of those challenges far from London and shared a twin room at the fancy hotel they were all staying at. They’d just gotten back to their room after a not so relaxing last drink with the crew, since James wasn’t his cheerful self at all, and Jeremy couldn’t help highlighting it:

“Oh, it’s finally over! You’ve been a real twat tonight, you know?”

“Told you, feeling unwell” was James’s throwaway answer; a sign he probably didn’t want to discuss it any further, but Jeremy was determined to understand what was wrong with him, now that it was the two of them alone:

“Well if there’s anything I can do to make you stop being such a prick please tell me. I’ve got plenty of painkillers, sleeping pills, vitamins, I’m an itinerant drugstore!”

“It’s a different kind of ache, actually, Jeremy, please forget about it”

“Oh come on, do you want me to go out and get something to smoke? Or anything stronger?”

“It’s not that”

“So what? I’m here to help, whatever you need, just tell me!”

He was being sincere in the end, and it definitely showed, since James stared at him, took a deep breath in and asked:

“Would you… would you fuck me, Jeremy?”

Jeremy froze. He was sure he’d heard it right, but probably his stance still revealed some genuine puzzlement, because James kept explaining:

“It’s a long story, please don’t make me talk about it… but... I need it. I physically need it.”

Jeremy wasn’t judging James’s reasons, it was the request itself that left his jaw dropped; that, and the prompt, enthusiastic response of his cock, that unashamedly started to grow hard inside his pants. Bothered by both things, he was left unable to come out with a sensible answer, and James took his silence as a rejection:

“Ok, sorry, no problem. Pretend I haven’t said anything. I’m going to sleep.”

“No James, wait”

“For what? Being mercilessly mocked?”

“No, no, it’s just…”, and he had to improvise to avoid disclosing his worries, “We don’t have condoms, or lube, or anything… “

James looked back at Jeremy, almost surprised by his sensible answer, and Jeremy was almost going to admit that they were still easier to get than drugs, in the end, so if James was serious about his proposal, well, it could have been arranged. But James spoke first:

“It’s ok… it’s better, actually. I need it… rough.”

“James that is going to hurt you…”

“It’s… it’s what I want. Please stop arguing, if you don’t want to get involved in this just say it.”

“No. It’s ok, if it is what you want… I’ll do it. I just want you to be sure about it”

“It’s me asking.”

“So ok, it’s fine, count on me”

They exchanged a last glance of unspoken agreement, and James blushed lightly before nodding one last time:

“Thanks. Back soon.”

James went to the lavatory, and Jeremy sat on the edge of his bed, still unsure of what to do next: he had never imagined something similar, never conceived the chance for someone to be in the need for _that_ ¸ but given how hard it must have been for James to ask, he guessed it was something serious, something urgent and necessary.

And despite it all, his cock was anything but scared by the incoming task. Ok, it was a while since they’d had some action, but what was happening down his gut to be so responsive at the call to fuck James? He couldn’t even blame the alcohol for such a reaction, he wasn’t that drunk.

Eventually, James got out of the lavatory with a towel around his waist, poorly covering his erection, and another one under his arm.

“I’d need you to tie my wrists to the headboard, also”

“Isn’t it dangerous? I mean, if you want to stop me…”

“That’s what safe words are for. Mine is ‘elephant’, by the way. Whatever happens, don’t stop unless I say it.”

Jeremy was still speechless at the pragmatism James was using to deal with such an issue but nodded in agreement anyway. He kept sitting there, waiting for James’s next instruction, but that one was so obvious he felt half on an idiot for not having realised it himself.

“You should… freshen up, before”

“Oh yes, sure, going”

He took off all his clothes and washed himself, and chose to put his pants back on before returning to the bedroom, not sure about the toga look yet not wanting to show off his already hard cock.

When Jeremy got back, James had already spread the towel on the bed and piled up two pillows; he didn’t say anything, only handed Jeremy a belt - a sparkly, glittering skinny belt Jeremy had already seen it before, among the tacky things that have been bought for a sketch but went used - before setting himself on the bed. He placed his wrists on the headboard, over a hole that seemed carved exactly for that scope, and looked at Jeremy:

“Go on”

Jeremy was too tense to talk, he just did his best to tie James's wrists to the headboard without shaking for the nervousness, even if he missed the buckle twice before fastening it properly. James pulled it to check for hold, then moved backward, to rest his head on the pillows and stand on his elbows and knees.

“Ok, now please take off the towel and… well, you know”

Jeremy took his pants off and climbed onto the bed, behind James, setting himself between James’s legs, not without hesitation; the endurance of his knees had become the last of his worries now that he was presented with such a responsibility, and despite his renowned self-esteem he was really concerned by the kind of task he had been involved in.

He pulled away the towel and saw James trembling as it got caught around his cock, and Jeremy had to wiggle and untangle it before throwing it on the floor.

“Ok, go on. Don’t take initiatives, just fuck me ok?”

“James are… are you sure?”,

Jeremy asked, for what he’d decided it would have been the last time. It wasn’t the sight of James’s buttocks right in front of him that worried him, unexpectedly, but the realization of how far he actually had gone to meet James’s requests, and the fear of failing to meet his expectations, or worse, of actually doing it all wrong and harming him. But he reckoned James was well aware of who he was dealing with, for better or for worse, so if that was what James wanted, Jeremy was – surprisingly, he must have admitted – ready to offer it.

“Please Jeremy, don’t make me beg you”

So Jeremy grabbed his shaft and lined up his glans on the darker, tight ring of creased skin between James's pink buttocks, too tight in Jeremy’s opinion for that to turn out any good; he wiggled his cock back and forth trying to drip as much precum as possible, shivering at the intimate contact, but James urged him:

“Jeremy. Please.”

“Ok, I’m going.”

Jeremy thrusted his hips forwards, still holding his cock to keep the tip pointed against James: he kept pushing, attempting to bob a little to ease the way in, until he felt something gave in, highlighted by a yelp that James promptly chocked back.

Despite deadened by the pillow, James’s whines sounded terribly close to cries of pain; Jeremy shuddered but kept pushing, silently repeating himself that that was what James wanted and that he could use the safe word if he’d needed to.

Slowly, Jeremy managed to push all his length up inside, his groin now stuck to James’s buttocks, and finally started to breathe again, and probably so did James, given the sigh of relief he heard coming from him.

He rested there for a couple of seconds, lingering in the wet, hot grip, before starting to pull out, gently but steady, enjoying how the firm clasp from James’s muscles was rubbing up his shaft.

Jeremy was so concentrated in providing the best penetrative act ever that he didn’t catch the meaning of what James muttered, and froze at the thought it could have been the safe word and he’d missed it:

“James”

“Faster… please…”

“Sure, as you want”

Jeremy placed his hands on James’s hips to keep his balance, waiting a split second to be sure James approved the move, before starting to thrust with decision, determined to make it as good as James deserved.

It wasn’t the first time he did it like that, but they’d always been women: it wasn’t that different in the end, but the point wasn’t it being with a bloke, rather the bloke being James.

He looked down at his cock, seeing it periodically disappearing inside James and coming back, but it was something too overwhelming to deal with while trying to keep his pace, so he raised his gaze to check on James, hoping to get some kind of feedback by the position of his head, whether he was raised or dropped over the pillows, and his sight got caught by the belt restraining James’s wrists, that sparkled shiny at James’s every movement, frilly and fancy, in contrast with the rough obscenity of their current activities.

He kept thrusting, and it was starting to get demanding: Jeremy was sweating and panting, his heart rate was way too high and every bone from the neck down was hurting, but considering how much James was ostensibly enjoying it, it was well worth it. And that applied to him as well, actually.

Because now that James seemed to have relaxed - and Jeremy too - he didn't know if enjoying the feeling of having James like that, all for himself, so hot and tight around his cock, was part of James's plan, but he gave up thinking and kept fucking James at his best, aiming to pleasure them both.

It got better indeed, but didn't last very long; James’s groans has changed in rhythm and pitch, and the random noises were replaced by pleas for Jeremy to keep going, harder, faster.

Eventually, Jeremy felt James tensing up, pushing his pelvis against Jeremy’s to take him as deep as he could, before letting himself go, with a loud moan, undampened this time; James kept shuddering, again and again, panting and moaning softly now, so shaky that it was probably just Jeremy’s grip and the belt around his wrists that prevented him from collapsing on the bed. Jeremy couldn't see James's cock from up there, but he was pretty sure the towel under him was wet with something else besides their sweat.

Still, James was still firmly around his cock, and Jeremy was wondering if it was impolite to keep going for his own interest, after that James’s needs had been satisfied. Thankfully, James was soon asking him for the same thing:

“Please keep going… come inside me… please Jeremy… please…”, James’s words came out muffled by the pillow but worked all the same and, at James’s cried out beg, Jeremy didn’t have to use much effort, he resumed the pace and soon couldn’t hold it any longer, so he tightened his grip on James’s hips and pierced him one last time, as deep as he could, bursting in an intense orgasm, only ruined by his resolution to avoid moaning out loud.

His first semi-lucid intention was to just crash there and then, exhausted and still bewildered by what had just happened; on second thought, that would have been a completely inappropriate move, so he tried to keep standing on his knees and gently pulled out his limp cock, to find it dripping in sperm and in something else, something pinkish, with a bright red smudge that run down his skin and stained his hand, and once he realised what it was he’d panicked at the sudden realisation of how hard he had hit on James.

“I’m… I need to use the lavatory James, sorry”

He'd wanted to jump off the bed, but his cracking knees required a more pondered and cautious attempt, and it took him a bit before he’d managed to stand back on his feet.

“No problem… could you… untie me first, please?”,

James asked him, so Jeremy staggered towards the headboard,

“Oh hell, sure, here I come… just a moment”,

and unbuckled the belt, trying to ignore the marks it had left on James's skin. He then went and washed himself as quickly as possible: it wasn’t the still understandable fear for sexually transmitted diseases, rather the need to cancel any evidence he might have hurt James – despite he’d asked him for, he kept repeating to himself to try and justify his behaviour.

James was waiting on the door, wrapped in the same towel as before, and moved inside as soon as Jeremy got out, bringing the other towel and the belt with him, together with his clean clothes.

Back from the lavatory, shirt and pants on, James walked right in front of Jeremy, that was still standing in the middle of the room, hesitant on what to do, as going straight to bed without any further clarification seemed the best thing to do but felt rude nevertheless.

This time, what came from James wasn’t an instruction, but a peremptory request:

“Promise me you’re going to forget all of this. Delete it from your memory. Never mention this again. Promise me.”

“I do. You have my word.”

James nodded, finally looking straight at Jeremy’s eyes, with something that could easily have been understood as gratitude, in Jeremy’s opinion; yet James looked so terribly weary and frail that, as he kept lingering there, Jeremy couldn’t help dragging him in his embrace, tilting his head to find James’s lips and kissing him sweetly, tenderly and slowly, the right opposite of the exchange they’d had a few minutes before.

He didn’t know if it was for compensation, for necessity or for self-absolution, but still James let him, James seemed to enjoy it, and they kept kissing for much longer than Jeremy had expected. Finally, James broke the kiss:

“Please forget this as well”, he just said, before getting into his bed.

Jeremy feared he was too shocked to be able to sleep, but fortunately once under the sheets he discovered he was also too tired to keep staring at the ceiling any longer.

The following day James couldn’t keep sat for more than two minutes, and walked with an irregular limp; he blamed it all on a backache from the terrible driving position, and Jeremy kept mocking him for being old, fat and utterly incompetent in the choice for a proper car.


	3. Chapter 3

It took a while, but James’s suspicions were starting to prove correct, as about an hour later, after the umpteenth cup of coffee of the day, Jeremy walks by his desk and grabs the scissors James has borrowed from Andy, his scissors, that James has strategically left in full sight after having used them.

While turning them over in his hands, he asks:

“When you were looking for these… have you… check all three drawers… thoroughly?”

“No, just got a quick glance”

“Ok”, Jeremy answers, putting the scissors down, and walks back to his desk.

James stares at him, resisting the will to go and stab him with the same scissors, now that he’s sure Jeremy is well aware of what he has done.

Apart from some breaks for getting a cup of tea or going to the loo, James spends the rest of the afternoon at his desk, pretending to write something, to read something and even to listen to something, on his laptop or on his mobile alternatively, but underneath he's still too mad for the discovery he's made in Jeremy's drawer to be productive. Even the card he has meticulously trimmed is still there, under the scissors he hasn’t returned to Andy yet, because he's sure he would hang it up crooked if he tries to now.

It's almost 5 o'clock and people starts going home: James explains a few times that he's going to stay a bit longer to try and finish his piece, and among all the other voices, he overhears Jeremy saying something similar to those who pass by his desk to say bye.

He keeps growing mad at the twisted thought that Jeremy knows that he knows that he knows, waiting for god knows what kind of mockery or retortion Jeremy will come up with once everybody else has gone - hopefully once everybody has gone, if not before.

After a while it's just the two of them left in the office, yet none of them has made a move. When James sees Jeremy closing his laptop, his impatience kicks in: he jerks up, strides towards Jeremy’s desk and leans over it, hands flat and spread apart, waiting for Jeremy to look at him in the eye before telling him:

"I saw it - the belt",

and waits for a reply. Jeremy isn't impressed, and that probably makes James even angrier.

"I suspected you did, you’re a terrible liar", he says while standing up, "It's for me only, nobody could ever know what it means"

"We agreed differently. You agreed, remember?”, James practically roars.

Jeremy nods, and moves to the front of his desk, right beside James, before explaining:

“You’ve asked me to forget everything. I haven’t been able to.”

James squints and clenches his fist, and it’s a good thing those scissors are too far, because he’s not sure how long he could stand Jeremy’s unperturbed stance, the level of detachment he manages to keep while dealing with something that’s so meaningful – yet embarrassing – for James. Then Jeremy keeps going:

“You trusted me. That’s what I can’t forget. I don’t care about the rest, it’s the amount of trust you’ve placed in me that I don’t want to forget. That’s what I keep the belt there for.”

James turns pale, suddenly deflated of all the rage he has accumulated in the last hours and now unable to deal with all the feelings that are flooding him in return - especially those involving Jeremy now. There’s also a lot of self-deprecating thoughts, considering how much of a fool he’s been in the last hours, bracing for the worst, but mostly having lost his trust in Jeremy, the same trust Jeremy has somehow threw back in his face as soon as he’s doubted about it. Furthermore, Jeremy’s words have worked as passe-partout, reopening old wounds and reawakening muted desires, and James fears the kind of ache that is pervading him now, as he knows the way to heal it.

Jeremy doesn’t say anything else and goes back to pick up his things; finally, he puts his jacket on and walks back to James, who still stands like frozen in the same spot he’s left him, and waits.

When he finally reacts to his presence, James looks straight in Jeremy’s eyes and can’t help asking:

“Would you… do that again?”

“If it’s what you want, yes, James, I would”

James lingers a bit too long on Jeremy’s gaze, and Jeremy fears he’s probably going to get it all wrong but can’t resist leaning in for a kiss. Then, considering how James grabs him and keeps him close while desperately kissing him back, he realises he wasn’t wrong at all.


End file.
